did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
