Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
