dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
