it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Im just a social blackout drinker.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
