the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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