i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
