Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Just pee around me
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
