just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
