Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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