at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
