Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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