Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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