Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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