we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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