Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
