My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
there was a trapeze. enough said
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
