Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
