I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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