I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
She's like a pop up book from hell.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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