man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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