Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
