i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
