dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
