I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
