doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
