Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
