I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
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