put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
