Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
this will be a night to untag.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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