i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
