i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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