yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize
