I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
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I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
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I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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