I can feel you judging me through the phone.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
