had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
