just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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