conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
