Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
