Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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