Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Randomize
