I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
