Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
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We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize