Pappa wants mamma naked
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
