i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
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I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
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What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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