Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
did you just send me my own nude
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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