I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
