He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
