I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
