dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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