sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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