woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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