no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
