Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
