i don't plan on having that self control this summer
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
