I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
