dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
