That's intense
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
