i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Randomize
