he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
