there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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