I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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