o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
It's shark week go big or go home
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
