last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Randomize
