Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
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I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
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The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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