I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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