Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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