worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
