If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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