guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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