Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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