Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
