watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
