My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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