My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
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