Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
