I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
