That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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