Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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