don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
